but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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