It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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