It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
