I hate all girls vehemently.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
