There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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