i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
