Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
