Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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