Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
