i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
