Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
whose parrot is this?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
