I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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