that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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