Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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