Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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