my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
