he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
