I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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