I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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