i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
