When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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