STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
