What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
