You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
