I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
