Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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