happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
