I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
