After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
