So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
