we're blogging at a bar
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
