I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize