It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
