the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
