You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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