Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
