after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
