the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
