she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
