Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
