Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
