you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
