My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
