Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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