where does the pee come out of this thing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
