and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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