My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize