so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
