just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
