We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
