dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
