Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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