He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
