we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize