hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
