We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
