I accidentally burped into my bong.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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