Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
