I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
