he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
