the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize