Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
