I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need to calm my uterus...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
