you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize