I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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