i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
