I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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