Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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